Sunday, 11 June 2017

Time

It's been more than 6 months now since my Mum passed
It's an incredibly hard thing to process as I know many people already know

How can life just go on?
Time, it never stops.
Not for anything, nor anyone. 

It's hard to take advice of others.

'take life and live it'
'you're here for a good time, not for a long time'
'make the most of the time you have here'
'your Mum would want you to be happy'

I know, and I should, but it takes exactly the thing that 
I want to avoid, to be able to do that 

TIME!!!

I will get there, I just still feel very much in the grasp of grief.
I try daily to make an effort to be happy on the outside, 
but inside, that's a different story.

I can't imagine living whats left of my life in this grief.
I hope that I can learn to deal with the anxiety and 
feelings of utter sadness and wanting my Mum back with me.

Whatever you feel during grief, is completely normal. Everyone
tells me that, so i just go with how I feel. Yes, i have been distracting myself from these emotions at times, but then, maybe that's normal too. To not want to have this horrid feeling in your gut. This emptiness, even tho you have family and friends around you. It's a hard thing to explain, but you feel incredibly lonely most of the time. Probably because individually, you are all experiencing a completely different grief, even though it's the same loss. We all cope the way we can, and do things we feel will help, and that's different for everyone. Understanding others words and actions, goes a long way to understanding your own grieving experience. 

I watch others now, coping with loss, something I never thought too deeply about before, and slowly I am beginning to understand the actual effects such an experience has on a person. It's awful, and not something I would wish on anyone, but sadly, we will all one day, be dealing with a loss that rips at our hearts. I hope that with every day, my understanding will grow, and my feelings will turn from despair, to acceptance, being able to look at photos and smile.

 She was a wonderful human being, and we miss her terribly, 
but we have to learn to live this life without her in it. 






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